Help Me! I’m Not Sick, But I Am.

Most people give up once plans A, B, and C fail. Me? I move on to Plans D, E, F, G, and H simultaneously, believing that if I work exponentially harder and smarter I will eventually achieve my goals. I’m fairly certain I’ve exhausted multiple alphabets’ worth of plans at this point in my quest to earn a respectable proportion of my income as an artisan candle maker and freelance writer… but I have not given up! I began changing my eating habits around the same time I got serious about building a writing career, about three years ago, believing that my physical and emotional (creative) well-being are intricately related. I now believe that the proof of my determination to live my dreams and its effect on my health is written all over my pale, bony body, for better or worse.

multi blue headshot SM
Dec 2013
headshot june 2016
June 2016

Beginning about six months ago, when I first slid into a size two after more than a decade as a plus size woman, friends, both close and long lost, often through Facebook, began inquiring what I had done to lose all the weight. This group of friends thinks I look amazing and wants to know what I did so they can yield similar results. At the same time, a smaller but still noticeable portion of my friends inquired if I was/am sick. These people seem genuinely concerned I might have cancer as I have never been anywhere near this thin the entire time they’ve known me. After thoroughly pondering this dichotomy, I have come to the conclusion that both groups of people are seeing part of the current me accurately. I am both healthier and happier than I’ve ever been and a bit sick and tired of the race, holding a high potential to lose my mind. I lost the weight in healthy ways – juicing, eating more vegetables, lowering my overall caloric intake and cooking my own meals from scratch as much as possible – but I’ve been eating plenty of sweets, bagels, and other formerly forbidden foods lately in order to maintain my weight.
Ever since I took a night job as a barista seven months ago, I’ve struggled to find time to prepare even the most basic meals. It’s not that I have zero free time, but all of it has been monopolized by my dreams. I work 40 to 50 hours at “real jobs” to keep my bills paid – positions which inspire me and fuel my creative heartfire – and the only thing I want to do most days is work on my dreams. I don’t wake up wondering what I want to eat for breakfast. I wake up wondering how many writing, candle, or photo projects I can complete before I head out to work and/or after work before I need to go to bed. Food is an afterthought. I feel honestly too busy to care if my stomach is growling some days. It’s not exactly a healthy attitude. I scrutinize my behavior enough to ensure that I eat at least 1200 to 1600 calories per day and began taking daily vitamins (most of the time) to make up for my sacrificed nutritional moral code.
The deep, dark truth of the matter is that juggling all of my needs and desires is beginning to drive me a bit crazy. I must do the thing I hate to do most. I must ask for help. I must admit I cannot achieve my dreams alone. You are my only hope.
I realized I needed your help months ago, but it took a bit more time to figure out a plan that would lead to success. Not having a night or weekend job would open up the time I desire for candle making, writing, traveling, and playing poker. Unfortunately for me, I need money now. Thankfully, I have a plan. If you would be so kind as to support me in at least one of the following ways, I believe my dreams can come true:
1) SHARE MY STORY – This is the most important part. I need the support of several hundred people for my plan to work and know that it’s unlikely I will find that many in my immediate circle of friends. I have around 1000 contacts between Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and LinkedIn. I’m fairly certain I can not get 40-50% of you to buy in to my plan literally. However, if ten to twenty people with 500 friends I don’t know share my story, I would only have to engage around 5% of the audience to succeed. That seems possible.
2) SUPPORT MY BOX OF FLARE CAMPAIGN ON INDIEGOGO -This is my plan to raise the capital needed to break my unhealthy cycle. This plan will buy me time at home to work on my dreams and nourish my body and (possibly) buy me some time to play poker and work on my novel.
4) BUY A PIECE OF MY POKER ACTION – I attempted to set up a campaign for backers on, but have been unable to get them to add the tournaments I wish to compete in to their database. Please contact me directly if you would be interested in backing me in the $350 NL Holdem tournament on Sunday, June 26th at Lucky Chances Casino ($20,000 guaranteed first prize) or the $550 satellite tournament for the WSOP Main Event at Bicycle Casino in Los Angeles which I believe to be my best (and possibly only) chance to get in the big game. (I chose the tournament at Lucky Chances both due to the prize pool and so I can travel to interview my 25 year old cousin about her experiences with cystic fibrosis and surviving a double lung transplant.)
5) CONSIDER USANA – I have decided to work on my health using the vitamins, meal replacement bars and drinks offered by USANA. In fact, the ethics of the company’s head scientist impressed me so much my sister got me to break my boycotts on vitamins and participation in MLMs. Let me put you in touch with my sister, Dr. Sarah Pollard, so we can stabilize our health together in the days to come. Your choice to set up an auto order for vitamins could send me a little love for many, many months to come. (It is possible I will earn a commission off your choice to order USANA.)


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